Friends

      I was twenty-one years old but inside I felt thirty, thirty-one.  I hated revealing my age to anyone because it gave them the wrong idea about me.  It gave them the idea that I was young when inside I felt ageless, that I didn’t know much when really I knew more then they did.  I thought that I felt thirty-one, thirty-two years old, but I was wrong.  Now that I am thirty-two I can feel how it feels and it does not feel twenty-one.  So I was the sort of twenty-one year old who believes that deep in their soul they are thirty, thirty-five, which really is such a twenty-one year old way to think.

**All spelling/grammar is depicted exactly as stated in the original text.  Any sighted misspellings, feelings of uneasieness, or just the plain nature of stickers should be directed at the author/editor and not at me.  (I am on board with you!)**

He fell to polishing the buttons on Julian's coat. "A lot of the swell mob goes to weddings," he reminisced. "If there's a big crowd and you got the right kind of duds, you can mingle with the guests, and nobody'll ever know you wasn't invited. They're bad places to try and lift any wipes, on account of all the blubbering that goes on, everybody's always using theirs. Tickets is easy to get, though--nobody's thinking about what time it is. I never had the heart to work a wedding, meself. When people is as happy as that, how can you queer it for 'em by filing their clys? I ask you, sir."

"With sensibilities like yours, I often wonder how you ever managed to steal anything at all."

"I picked and chose me mark, sir, when I could afford to. Gentry coves like you, sir, as looked as if they wouldn't miss a few quid here and there."

"You can't judge a man's finances by his clothes. Some of the heaviest swells in London have some of the lightest pocketbooks."

"Oh, yes, I know that now, sir."

"Since you came to work for me, you mean," said Julian, amused.

"You're cynical. I thought you would be. Can you sneer?"

"With terrifying effect."

"Oh, do it, please! I want to see it!"

"I'm afraid you're much too young to withstand it. I should be accused of stunting your growth--perhaps even sending you into a decline."

"I wouldn't go into a decline. I'm robust. My governess says so. But, come along, I mustn't make you late to dinner."

"What time is it?" came a sepulchral voice from under the bedclothes.

"Seven o'clock, sir."

"Oh, my God." Julian dragged himself out from under the covers. "Don't--" he began, but Dipper was already parting the window curtains. Julian dove under the sheet again to block out the light. "It's appalling," he groaned, "simply appalling, to think that anyone was ever so benighted as to worship the sun. Dipper, if I ever tell I mean to have a house in the country, immerse me in cold baths and singe me with mustard plasters till my sanity returns."

Dipper was glad to find him in such a tractable mood. When Mr Kestrel was really out of temper, he did not mock or complain, but went about in a tautly strung silence more disturbing than any show of rage.

'Ouch!'

'That was for ditching me last night,' she announced. 'I waited for you, and because I waited for you, Leonard cornered me and gave me the third degree about the Nixon assault and how Jamal Jackson couldn't be tied to it in any ways. Now he's got it in his head that Jackson can somehow claim false arrest and use it in his suit against the department.'

'What suit?' he asked, rubbing the sore spot.

'The suit Jackson's threatening. Brutality. Against me.'

Kovac rolled his eyes. 'Oh, for Christ's sake. We've got the video of him beating me. Let him try to sue. If Leonard thinks Jackson has a case, he's got his head so far up his ass, we should call the people at Guinness. It's gotta be some kind of record.'

'I know,' Liska said, calming. She tossed her purse in a deep desk drawer and dropped her briefcase in her chair. 'I'm sorry I belted you. I had a rotten night. [My ex] came by. I didn't get much sleep.'

'Oh, jeez. I'm not gonna have to hear about sex, am I?'

Liska's face went dark again, and she lunged across the cubicle and popped him a second time in exactly the same spot.

'Ouch!'

Elwood stuck his huge head around the side of the half-wall. 'Do I need to call the police?'

'Why?' Liska demanded, shrugging out of her coat. 'Is being a knothead a crime now?'

Kovac rubbed his arm. 'I guess I said the wrong thing.'

'Again,' Elwood added. 'Did she do that to your nose?'

Kovac tried to catch his reflection in the dark screen of his computer monitor, though he already knew how it looked: puffy and red and lumpy as an old drunk's. At least it wasn't broken for the umpteenth time.

'Physical abuse of men by women,' Elwood said. 'One of society's great taboos. Victim Services can probably hook you up with a support club, Sam. Should I call Kate Conlan?'

Kovac threw a pen at him. 'Why don't you go take a flying leap?'

Dust to Dust, Tami Hoag

Mood~:	amused
Melody~:	No Such Thing - John Mayer

( +22 )

I could feel the air.

I had my last day at Merryhills yesterday. I got one measly present, which is annoyng when my mother got, like, 421908376. I did, however, have a section of the 'people-who-are-leaving' toast dedicated to me, which was nice, although overshadowed by our departing deputy's well-earned speech/applause. I played the song Teacher, which isn't particularly kind towards the teaching profession... yet it went down surprisingly well, everyone said it was great, and the nursery nurse I work(ed) with said it was so emotive, it almost made her cry. If it does that, then it's doing its job.

Today is the first day of the holidays - in other words, I'm unemployed from now on... but it still feels like a holiday.

This morning, I got up early, had a shower, put up some washing, then worked on laying down and recording my new song, which is for Helen. I'm not going to put it up, though, because... well... it's for Helen. Nevertheless, I'm quite pleased with it.
Had lunch, finished the song, wrote for about an hour, and was then interrupted by my mother. Feel quite calm today. I can let job worries plague me some other time. At the moment, this life's not so bad.

Mood~:	thoughtful
Melody~:	James - Coffee And Toast (Promo)

The sky above was a deep blue. I sat on the harbour wall, staring at the lights, The clock tower struck eleven. The black sea rolled beneath me. I said, 'Goodbye' and threw myself off the harbour wall, fully clothed, the note in my pocket.

I sank beneath the water and, like a cork, popped back up. The sea became my bed as I floated around for a while, a tiny part of this great world and more alive than ever.

Slowly, I swam to the harbour wall and hoisted myself on to the ladder. I climbed up it. And, in my sodden state, I walked away.

For the Beta Male, if nothing else, is loyal. He makes a great husband as well as a great best friend. He will help you move and bring you soup when you are sick. Always considerate, the Beta Male thanks a woman after sex, and if often quick with an apology as well. He makes a great house-sitter, especially when you aren't especially attached to your house pets. A Beta Male is trustworthy: your girlfriend is generally in safe hands with a Beta Male friend, unless, of course, she is a complete slut. (In fact the complete slut through history may be exclusively responsible for the survival for the Beta Male gene, for loyal as he may be, the Beta Male is helpless in the face of charging, unimaginary bosoms.)

source: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/444213

Child Rape in South Africa

from Pediatric Nursing
Posted 12/06/2002
Eileen Meier, MPH, JD, MPH, RN

Rape, including child rape, is increasing at shocking rates in South Africa. Sexual violence against children, including the raping of infants, has increased 400% over the past decade (Dempster, 2002). According to a report by BBC news, a female born in South Africa has a greater chance of being raped in her lifetime than learning how to read (Dempster, 2002). When South Africa became a democracy in 1994, there were already 18,801 cases of rape per year, but by 2001 there were 24,892 (Dempster, 2002). Numbers vary by different institutions, but are nevertheless extremely troubling. The Institute of Race Relations found that more than 52,000 rapes were reported in 2000, and 40% of the victims were under age 18 (du Venage, 2002). The University of South Africa reports that 1 million women and children are raped there each year (South Africa: Focus on the Virgin Myth, 2002).

High Profile Baby Rapes
A number of high profile baby rapes since 2001 (including the fact that they required extensive reconstructive surgery to rebuild urinary, genital, abdominal, or tracheal systems) increased the need to address the problem socially and legally. In 2001, a 9-month-old baby was raped by six men, aged between 24 and 66, after the infant had been left unattended by her teenage mother. A 4-year-old girl died after being raped by her father. A 14-month-old girl was raped by her two uncles. In February 2002, an 8-month-old infant was reportedly gang raped by four men. One has been charged (McGreal, 2001). The infant has required extensive reconstructive surgery. The 8-month-old infant's injuries were so extensive, increased attention on prosecution has occurred.

( the rest )

( here is a surplus of photos )
Thanks!

For a while now, I've had the biggest girl crush on Zooey Deschanel. She is a good actress, a musician and singer, and I love her quirkiness, sense of humor, sense of style and fashion. She doesn't seem to fall for the whole "Hollywood thing" and has an old fashion side that I absolutely adore. Speaking of old fashion, her first album, made with M. Ward (under the name She & HIm), is a delightful musical trip that sounds like it is coming from the past. She also has a cabaret number (with Samantha Shelton) called "If All the Stars Were Pretty Babies". If that doesn't convince you, than i don't know what will.

I recently visited Edinburgh with my family, and it introduced me to probably one of my new favorite places- the Royal Botanical Gardens.

Here are a few pictures I think some of you might like.

"You think you educated, but you not. You think you the only person ever had to lie? You think I never had to lie?"
"I don't know, Reverend."
"Yes, you know. You know, all right. That's why you look down on me, because you know I lie. At wakes, at funerals, at weddings—yes, I lie. I lie at wakes and funerals to relieve pain. 'Cause reading, writing, and 'rithmetic is not enough. You think that's all they sent you to school for? They sent you to school to relieve pain, to relieve hurt—and if you have to lie to do it, then you lie. You lie and you lie and you lie. When you tell yourself you feeling good when you sick, you lying. When you tell other people you feeling well when you feeling sick, you lying. You tell them that 'cause they have pain too, and you don't want to add yours—and you lie.

She been lying every day of her life, your aunt in there. That's how you got through that university— cheating herself here, cheating herself there, but always telling you she's all right. I've seen her hands bleed from picking cotton. I've seen the blisters from the hoe and the cane knife. At that church, crying on her knees. You ever looked at the scabs on her knees, boy? Course you never. 'Cause she never wanted you to see it. And that's the difference between me and you, boy; that make me the educated one, and you the gump. I know my people. I know what they gone through. I know they done cheated themself, lied to themself—hoping that one they all love and trust can come back and help relieve the pain."

also, what's up with all the flying ants? they all come out at the same time. it's a little freaky. night of the flying ants, dun dun dun dun dun (apply jaws tune). andy says that they talked about them on the radio and basically all the flying queen ants come out at the same time all over the country. that's pretty cool. even though i don't like flying queen ants, it's pretty groovy that they can synchronise their coming out all over the country at the same time. you'd think that's not possible due to temperature and circumstance differences but nahah, dem flyin' queen ants don't let that sit in their way, they go like 3,2,1 now!!!! they'd be great synchronised swimmers them queen ants, yup.

nuf said about flying ants.

i have decided today to stop watching tv on my archos and on my pc at home because whenever i do, i can't stop and by the end of the week bits of my soul are missing ...

so now i'm trying a tv-show-free week .

instead, when i crave tv or food (my two most prominent drugggggs) i 'bring presence to my world'. jaaahaaaaa. i try. eckhart would be proud of me, but not really because that'd be egoic. hee hee.

la la la i keep trying.

so, i try try try to accept the present moment, no resistance to pain, boredom, misery. and from there, i bring presence in, and then; magickal transformation. la la la. that's how we do it, yes yes yes. (this is a song in my head).

ok, cool art news: a lady has commissioned me to do 4 paintings! 4 paintings! 4 paintings! once more with feeling; 4 paintings! of her and her 3 friends, they're gonna be xmas pressies. cool huh. plus i've had another 2 commission enquiries. tres cool.

speaking of art, these prints are going out;

the prints look really good although you can't really see it on the above images because they're just stills of my cam. believe me, they are so like the original, i keep being really wowed by it. :-) this is the original:

let me know if you want a print too, it's always cheaper for me to print in bulk! they are $15,- + shipping. :)

& this is a new piece of art i'm working on. it's in progress, not finished yet.

i bought these really cool stencils for like £2,50 each. freaking cool. :)

and here are some more pictures of me, just cus.

ok, what else?

well, today was sunshiney and pretty with nice people and friendly gestures. i like friendly gestures. i like it when i can taste vulnerability and kindness in people. kindness is da best. be kind be kind be kind.

ok, kind means child in dutch. my brain just went; why are you saying we must be children?

eheh.

ok, here endeth the disjointed post.

i bid thee a groovy evening.

♥ love ♥

Mood~:

happy

I was wondering if anyone had any quotes/poems about fear. Fear of self, fear of others, fear of whatever. Please share! =)

Oh! And here's a quote! Hope it's not too long!

"In my dream I apologize to everyone I meet. Instead of introducing myself, I apologize for not knowing why I'm alive. I am sorry. I am sorry. I apologize. In real life, oddly enough, if I am fully awake and out and about, if I catch someone's eye, I quickly look away. Perhaps this too is a form of apology. Perhaps this is the form apologies take in real life. In real life the looking away is an apology, despite the fact that when I look away I almost always feel guilty; I do not feel as if I have apologized. Instead I feel as if I have created a reason to apologize, I feel the guilt of having ignored the thing-- the encounter. I could have nodded, I could have smiled without showing my teeth. In some small way I could have  wordlessly said, I see you seeing me and I apologize for not knowing why I am alive. I am sorry. I am sorry. I apologize. Afterwards, after I have looked away, I never feel as if I can say, Look, look at me again so that I can see you, so that I can acknowledge that I have seen you, so that I can see you and apologize."

-- Claudia Rankine, Don't Let Me Be Lonely

"I'll walk you."

"No, no, sometimes a person feels to be alone." "If you're alone too much," Persky said, "you think too much."

"Without a life," Rosa answered, "a person lives where they can. If all they got is thoughts, that's where they live."

"You ain't got a life?"

"Thieves took it."

The message on the other side reads:

~Daniel Quinn